When I was around 8 or 9 my mom and I went shopping around the holiday's. I can remember mom didn't like being in the malls too much so we were (usually) on our best behaviour minding our p's and q's and the rest of the alphabet when we were out.
This particular time we were at the check out and there were Christmas pins, teeny tiny Santas..I asked mom if she would buy me one and she said no, I'd lose it in 10 minutes, just like lost everything else and the diatribe began...I must have pleaded my case very well, or she was sick of hearing me go on about it, because she caved and bought it for me.
It became a tradition in the house that every year, I would pull out the Santa and wear it for Christmas day and then ritualistically put it back in the same place to bring it out the following Christmas...as a child I was proud that I had it , and would show her with a large smile on my face , As I became older it became a great joke. I would always walk into the house and proudly display the tiny jolly man like someone would a great award, this was a tradition of our Christmas the same as turkey or plumb pudding is and a very fond memory with mom.
My mom passed away and as we were preparing for her burial , the tiny pin popped in my head, and the thought of the first Christmas without her came to mind, and how it would not be the same for so many reasons...As I was about to leave the house for the burial , I went to my jewellery box and looked at it, and the without a second thought grabbed it , as we put moms ashes into the ground the priest asked if there were flowers or anything else to go in the ground. I said yes and pulled out the Santa pin and laid it on top of her box and smiled and said, “I told you I would never lose it and I didn't”.
I smiled knowing that this is with her forever and the child within is happy to know that I valued that moment in time enough to carry it forward to her afterlife!!
(this is not the pin but very very close to it)
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