Food Addiction

wrote this in December 2008 , it is sad that I still feel all of this pretty much every day....thought I would share with those of you who did not know me at all or well back then.
This is one of those things I would love to get published but don't know how to do that....

Life the ride! :)

Rhonda

Dreaming
Tossing
Turning
Snoring
Enjoying,
Awake
Hunger
Ponder
Struggle
Berate
Hate
Rise
Drugs
Shower
Late
Fast?
Punish

No
Eat
Eat.

Think
Despise
Wonder
Prepare
Look
Food
Choice
Salad?
No
Pasta!!=
Comfort
Leave
Coffee
Ah
Sanity.

Thoughts
Surgery
Diet
Pills
Options
Model image
Never achievable!
Me
Not good enough
Someone else
PERFECT!

Count points
Count calories
Count morsels
Count on something
Count on someone
Countless
Pointless

Lunch
Dread
Eat
Crave
Thwart
Fail
Continue on
Read
Write
Remain
Insane
Arrival
Lover
Coffee?
Ah
Cookie?
Damn
Fail again
Eat half
Better.

Lose

Not weight
Another battle
More angst
Stress
Self loath

Bite Cookie
High
Relax
Enjoy
Pulse quicken
Love
Awareness

Fuck

Return
Reality
Depression driven
Fail again

Join club

Work out
Feel great
Strong
Sweaty
Satisfied
Get weighed
Lose esteem
Lose Hope
No hope
No love
Look
Mirror
Shutter
Why
No wonder
No love
Can’t leave
My cross
Shower
Cry
Wash
Sins gone


Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of the unknown
Fear of food
Fear of Loneliness
Fear of men
Fear of me

Motionless
Motherless
Sorrow

Supper

More food
More worry
More pain.
No sugar
Easy!!
Can achieve
Push away
Full
Empty
Self hate
Self Pity
Remorse

Return to bed
Nap

Lover awakes
Knight in armor
rescues
With kiss
Reality

Pain
Burns

How ?

Love Me
Miserable
Failure
Fat
Society
Non acceptance

Why you?
Love Me
Desperation
Turns
Passion
Hug
Kiss
Enjoy
Dress
Whole
Complete
Smile
Aware
Can do!

Hold hands
Get in car
Safe


Party

Dread
Driving there
Driving mad
Driving thoughts
Driving me insane
Phone a friend
50/50
Ask audience
Ask Advice
Ask for Help
Ask Anything

Them

All eating
Celebration
Fun
Joy
Laughing
At me?
For Me?
About Me?
Miss the joke
Perhaps it’s on me?
Weight on
Wont go
Can do this
Walk away
Don’t do it
Leave it
Change plan
Change Mind
Change Direction
Feel it
Longing
Calling me
Daring me
Beckoning me
Taunting me
Waiting
Punishing

Me,
Jealous
Everyone
But me rejoicing.
Eating
Not thinking

Me
Alone
Head pounding
Just one…
Just one.......
Calling like a lover
to me for me.....

No
Can’t
Not allowed
A Child
Grounded
Missing out
Lonely
Isolated
Berrated
Belittled
Beneath

Sorry
Will do better
Next time
Promise
Forgive me

Tomorrow

New Day
New Chance
Done with it!!
Forgotten
Pumped
Driven
Determined
Focused
Future
Triumph
Rejoice
Renewed
Rewarded
Hope
Freed
New Me!!
WEEEEE!

Reality Bites

Tired
Drugs
Bed time

Lather
Rinse
Repeat